Last Updated: October 12, 2015 8

Top 50 Reasons Not to Upload That Video to YouTube

Found In: Blogging › Social Networks › Video

Are you looking for your fifteen minutes of fame? Are you ready for your close-up? If so, YouTube is the site for you. Just grab your camera, film yourself doing something interesting, clever, or kooky, and then upload it to YouTube. Voila! You have instant audience.

  1. It’s so easy; it’s hard to see what the downside could be. Yet, there are pitfalls of going public with YouTube. You only need to browse YouTube for a few minutes to find videos that are pointless, cringe worthy, or plain dreck. Having such a video attached to your name could expose you to widespread ridicule.
  2. So unless you enjoy being mocked and humiliated (and some do), consider the following guidelines before you upload that video to YouTube.
  3. Avoid uploading anything that you have filmed after drinking more than a bottle and a half of red wine, four shots of tequila, or three shots of Wild Turkey.
  4. Unless you are one of the Dormitory Boys, the world really does not want to see you lip synching, especially when combined with #1.
  5. Don’t bother sharing videos of yourself, or of you and your buds, playing Halo 3. I know it was fun at the time, but I’m just sayin’.
  6. Your devious plan to get back at your ex? Better keep that to yourself. That goes double if you’re in the middle of a contentious divorce or bitter custody dispute.
  7. It is never wise to upload video in which you boast of crimes that you have committed.
  8. No matter how great your tan, or how much weight you’ve lost, do not post naked video of yourself. I’m telling you, don’t go there.
  9. Spontaneity is a wonderful thing, but let’s not overdo it. People, consider some grooming. Comb your hair, change out of that grease stained tee shirt.
  10. If you’re uploading video in which you have something important to say, give some thought to background. Honestly, you can give a brilliant speech about global warming, but if we can’t take our eyes off the filthy chaos of your surroundings, the point will be lost.
  11. Tricks with spiders coming out of your mouth, or milk dribbling from your nose? Please don’t. Oh wait; there actually is a big audience for that stuff.
  12. Two words: Camera Work. A little practice filming is not a bad idea before you upload film. Just some basic techniques, like holding the camera steady, and not swinging it around wildly so that we get queasy watching it.
  13. Dancing videos can be terrific. But how about some talent? Just getting loosened up on margaritas (see #1) and strutting your stuff? We can see bombed people lurching around every Friday night outside the local bar.
  14. If you insist on uploading video of yourself lip synching a rap song or pretending to croon a country western tune, can you at least get up out of bed to do it?
  15. Your special moments with childbirth? No thanks.
  16. Do not upload taped segments of your favorite T.V. show. We all have our own televisions, thank you.
  17. Nor should you tape portions of that video game you’re playing. Unless you captured some spectacular screen grabs, we got our own.
  18. Please don’t stage horrible/stupid/ pointless “accidents” in a misguided attempt to entertain the rest of us.
  19. Nor do we want to see video of love talk with your boyfriend/ girlfriend on your cell phone, unless something really cool happens while you’re talking: an explosion, a shootout, a tornado, or rampaging flock of crows.
  20. We want even less to watch you arguing on your cell phone, though above exceptions apply.
  21. Though Fifi is an especially darling cat, please don’t upload video of the poor girl in her cat box.
  22. No one wants to see you meditating, even when you are wearing your hot new outfit.
  23. Angry political rants? Not advised if you get so wigged out you start threatening public officials.
  24. The day you were so bored you watched beans boil? Keep it to yourself.
  25. Please do not post video of magic tricks you have not yet mastered. Unless you enjoy ridicule, of course.
  26. Also, it’s best not to post a sports video of a cool stunt unless you can actually pull it off. Same exception as above.
  27. People? Lighting? If you shoot your film in the dark, can you provide some kind of light? You may know what’s going on, but the rest of us? We’re in the dark.
  28. If in your video you are speaking and if what you say is essential to making your point, can you double check that it’s actually, you know, audible?
  29. Focus, people. Literally. What is the point of uploading video if no one can see what the heck is going on?
  30. Speaking of points. Shouldn’t there be some, well, POINT to your video? It doesn’t have to be anything deep. Showcasing a cute kitten, great bike trick, or pretty sunset will suffice. But some videos are so random as to be, well, utterly pointless.
  31. You’ve found something interesting to shoot, maybe your cat fighting your dog. Can you get up off the couch to film it, rather than trying to shoot around your laptop? If it’s worth filming, it’s got to be worth standing up to get a clear shot.
  32. Comedic films. Technically speaking, it doesn’t count as humor if you are the only one who finds it funny.
  33. We know you shelled out a lot of cash for that new John Deere riding mower, but we don’t really need to see a four minute video of it parked in the garage.
  34. Absolutely no videos of your fish aquarium. Unless there’s something really dramatic going on, like a fish war, say.
  35. It is a good thing to upload something that is recognizable. Uploading a blurry unidentifiable still, accompanied by dramatic music? See #27 and #28.
  36. Speaking of music; a soundtrack is a good idea. But just to note, when you start a film with titles and soundtrack, you build up an expectation that something is going to – well, happen. A title followed by a wildly careening camera that mostly manages to capture your shoes is a bit of a let down.
  37. Can you please not upload anything that views horizontally? Even an outstanding film becomes annoying in this case.
  38. Remember home movies? Some things should stay home movies. Grainy videos of your 8 year old practicing soccer? Might be sweet to you but for the rest of us? Not so much.
  39. Videos of two guys pretending to box each other while lounging in front of T.V.? See #28, about having a point.
  40. No one cares to see your visit to the Dental Hygienist.
  41. Great Aunt Millie knitting mittens? She’s got a way with needles, but see #36, home movies.
  42. Video of interesting travels make great uploads. However, sitting in bed in a generic hotel and gushing about how fabulous it is to be in Paris or Singapore doesn’t give us any real feel for the place. Get out on the street, the beach, or the ski slope. And while you’re at it, turn the camera away from yourself. Let’s see where you ARE.
  43. Any video which relies heavily on farting or burping for humor? If you are over 14, this is in poor taste. See comedy, #30.
  44. No need to share video of your Chinese take out. It’s not particularly interesting to watch you unwrap egg rolls or open up a carton of Lo Mien. This is dull viewing for anyone but a Labrador Retriever.
  45. Videos of large adults loudly berating very small children? Really unpleasant, and no matter who you are, most of us would like to smack you upside the head.
  46. Same as above, substituting animals for small children.
  47. Video of people “accidentally” stepping into animal droppings? Or worse, standing behind a large animal “at the wrong time” so as to be covered in droppings? Just makes you look really pitiful. But maybe that was the idea.
  48. Not a good idea to upload video which features you ingesting or inhaling illegal substances. The long arm of the law and all that.
  49. Going off on your f%*king a#*hole of a boss? He likes YouTube too, you know.
  50. Any video which you feel requires “dumb” or “stupid” in the title, you might want to rethink.

    This may seem too obvious for words, but watch that big thumb over your lens. If your film is more than 15% thumb, ditch it Feel free to ignore all these rules if you are 14 or younger, since no one really expects you to exercise any judgment anyway.